Sep 04 2008
How to Tell the Truth in a Difficult Conversation
Some people seem to have magical power when it comes to difficult conversations. They say what they have to say in as few words as possible and suddenly - miraculously - never fail to get what they want/need/expect in the way of a positive response in ten seconds flat.
The rest of us aren’t so lucky.
We hem, we haw. We desperately tread water while blathering our way through a difficult conversation as if our lives depended on sinking or swimming in a pool that’s about five inches deep.
We say stupid things like, “I’m thinking that maybe…” or “I wish that we could…” and never realize how much magical power of our own we could actually wield just by uttering four simple words.
Yes, four simple words.
Those words are, “I’m really sorry, but…”
Think about it.
When we need to confront someone or we have an important complaint to make, what better words are there in the English language to level the playing field and enable our opponent to glimpse our side of the situation than, “I’m really sorry.”
That phrase, “I’m really sorry” subconsciously translates into “I don’t want to have to say this” or “I wish I could be somewhere else right now” or “I’m not the cold-hearted bitch or bastard that you think I am,” opening the door for you to be able to speak honestly and openly about how you sincerely feel.
Without that “I’m really sorry,” you are essentially a horrible human being uttering statements that will offend…or hurt…or only create an even more inflammatory situation in the long run.
The “but” attached to the “I’m really sorry” as in, “I’m really sorry but…” presents a gateway for you to tell that individual how you really feel without necessarily putting yourself in the role of the ultimate Bad Guy by being so blatantly honest.
You diffuse the intensity of the situation with the “I’m sorry” and allow yourself an open door for expressing your true feelings with “but” attached.
Try this the next time you find yourself in a position where you feel compelled to expressed yourself in a potentially inflammatory situation.
The results will surprise you!
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